How To Deal With Disappointment/Rejection Part 1

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, its gonna be a long one so I made it into two parts.
I know the title says "how to deal with rejection"but the real title is "How Not To Feel Like a Crock of Shit" like how i'm feeling right now.
I'm in no condition to give advice to any one but i'm hoping I can benefit from it too. My sisters told me stuff like "its their loss" but we all know its mine. I lost. I lose and I feel really worthless and hurt as I suspected I would.
Don't think i'm talking about a boy cuz y'all should know by now that i'm not getting any vitamin D.
It's about that scholarship thingy I was talking about talking a few posts ago. I talked about how I was afraid of the possibility of not getting picked and how I tried to be all optimistic and stuff.
So anyway, yesterday around 8pm I just randomly checked my email just because. Before that, I was refreshing my email fro DAYSSS waiting for them to email me and I was stalking their twitter page too. I even made a separate twitter account for it and I planned to used it "when" I travel to S. Korea or China or wherever they might have sent me.
So when I saw the email I FUH-REAKED. I couldn't even open the email for like 5 minutes. I was hyperventilating  like I was about to give birth or something.

So finally I decided to just go ahead and bite the bullet. First of all, the message was looong and I was trying to get to the good part but I couldn't even read cuz I was losing my shit. Then I got to the part that basically translated to "unfortunately, you were not selected for the 2014-2015 program but we're going to encourage you to put your emotions on the line again next year by re-applying so we won't be held accountable for crushed dreams". I could tell they sent every body that got rejected the same letter.
At first I was in shock mode and then i just kinda started crying. My sisters told me all the typical "cheer up, its okay" stuff and a just sat there waiting for them to leave so I can cry properly.
I was like nodding and saying "okay" to everything they said.

And then when they left, I turned off my lights, climbed into bed and cried my eyes out for hours. I went from shocked to disappointed to heartbroken to angry to hurt to just a whole lot of not-so-good feelings wrapped into one. It really was a special kind of hurt for me because I put myself out there and I was just left feeling inadequate and stupid. I wondered what I could have done differently but then I just decided that the list was probably endless so there was no point thinking about it.
When I woke up the next morning, I was exhausted but at least I didn't feel like crying. It was the last day of school before Christmas break so that was kinda of nice. Of course I looked and felt like crap and I told one of my "friends" at my new school what happened because she could tell something was obviously wrong. Usually I'm loud and make random jokes but clearly I wasn't feeling like joking around and I was a bit quieter than usual and a few minutes after I told her what happened, she said something like "Michelle you're so dead, it's sooo obvious,  like everyone can tell, why don't' you try to cover it up?"
In my mind I was like

I said something like "I'm not going to put on a show or pretend to be happy for anybody when i'm clearly not. I'm not going to put on a fake smile or act happy if I don't feel like it"
Like, I apologize that bobo the clown didn't show up today and instead you got sad little old me. I didn't ask for her pity; all I wanted was for her to understand. Give me some space to mourn and move on, ON MY OWN. Was that too much to ask for?  needless to say, fuck her.
All day she kept reminding me of how I looked  and basically  succeeded in making me want to punch her. I had to quickly remind myself that I only have 1 more year of High School left.

Anyway, back to the matter. I''ll post the actual How To Deal later today. Its funny because I actually wrote them before I got the email for like "just in case". Its almost like I knew I was going to need them.